I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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