Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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