oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
