Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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