You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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