he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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