I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Randomize
