Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
