is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
