Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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