sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
