i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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