I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I enjoy the company of your penis
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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