Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
