so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
