Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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