Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
