i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
