Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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