def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
