He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My vagina just clenched in fear
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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