If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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