tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
