The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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