So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
