she was so not down for the gang bang
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
