After last night, I could never be a politician.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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