She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
