Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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