im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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