Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize