haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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