I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
