Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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