So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
