last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
