party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
