Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
