break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My bed smells like the plague
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize