gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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