i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
