the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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