I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
