marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
