last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
