So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She announced her abortion via fbk
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
