Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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