The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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