Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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