My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
