Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
