Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My life is pants optional.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
