do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
