I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
