It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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