I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
