apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
