he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
