love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
