dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I feel like a drive thru vagina
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
