I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize