I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
