areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
