when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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