i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
