She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You made out with two different species that night
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
