I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
