Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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