Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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