Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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