I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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