yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
