you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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