You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
