haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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