i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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