why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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