we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
