I need help removing her.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
