so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
