My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Randomize
