Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
