I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
