i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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