so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
