Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She said her name was "party"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
