He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
