Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
