so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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