Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
