Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
