The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i've created a new STD.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize