I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
