Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We left an ass print on the piano.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
