So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
