yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
