Me too!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
