we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I could fuck to npr.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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