He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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