Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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