Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
